#HELP I WANT TO SEE CALEB AND BEAU SO BAD

[dent-de-leon]

aHH WAIT DID ORYM HAVE THE STONE TO CONTACT CALEB?? CAN WE GET A CHECK IN ON THE NEIN??

[nellasbookplanet]

I've been thinking about Mollymauk, as I'm periodically wont to do, and the fandom discussion about him as a moral compass. Because the interesting thing here is, Molly wasn’t a very moral character. He was an unrepentant scammer. He had no respect for interpersonal boundaries and would deliberately push and break them. Generally, he was an asshole. As far as actually having a strong moral stance I would say Fjord was the standout of early m9, and to some extent Beau.

But here’s the thing: almost all of early m9 thought of themselves as horrible people. Fjord had been bullied so bad growing up that he still dealt with self-hate from it, and now suffered from survivor's guilt to boot. Caleb had killed his own parents. Beau, while she hated her dad, also had internalized self-hate and on some level thought she’d been such a shitty daughter she deserved his treatment. Nott was stuck in a body she considered monstrous. Yasha had survivor's guilt and knew she’d done bad things in her blank spots. Even when they did good, they didn’t think of themselves as good. Most of them were suspicious and asocial and faced the world with the same kind of distrust they expected to be (and were experienced in being) met with. (Jester was an exception, an agent of neither good nor bad but of amoral chaos)

But Molly was different. He was outspoken about loving life and people. He wanted to spread joy, even to people he didnt know or had even met: he slipped coin into people's pockets, hid a silver in a tree just so some stranger would one day be happy to find it. He openly cared for the party early on; was one of the first to step in and help Caleb when he went catatonic in battle. Above all, Molly had rules: where everyone else would agonize over what was the right or wrong or smart thing to do, Molly loudly proclaimed we don't leave people behind, and we leave every place better than we found it.

But the thing about Molly’s rules was, they were largely a cover. While the rest of the m9 thought they were bad even as they did good, Molly thought of himself as good even as he did bad. He scammed people, but made it a good and memorable experience, therefore thinking he gave more than he took. He charmed Nott and Fjord without consent, and when confronted would claim it was to help them. Out of the group, Beau saw through this, not because she was a better person but because she was a cynic. She saw that he caused harm, just as she did, and was personally affronted that he still thought of himself as good and tried to leave people happy, whereas she deliberately left every place worse than she found it.

I see Molly as a moral compass of the group not because he was actually any more moral than them, but because they made him their template. He was joy and brightness and he died trying to save them because it was the right thing to do, and they all chose to honor him by emulating his rules more than Molly himself ever did, because to them it was more than just a cover, backed up by genuine moral thought and discussion rather than small gestures. He taught them that it was possible to be kind of a shit person and still be good, to still love yourself and others. The idealized Molly they created never existed, and finally died for good when they resurrected him in the end and were met with a stranger, who they welcomed with the same love and care they would've expected Molly to show them.

[burr-ell]

Sometimes Things That Shake Up the Status Quo are Worse

I keep seeing people insisting that Exandria "can't return to the status quo, which was bad", but rarely do they say anything in support of that argument beyond "the Primes pick and choose favorites!". And while I'm not confident the show itself won't try to make that claim, the reality is that it just isn't borne out mechanically or narratively. Laying aside that non-Divine Soul sorcerers exist (like, and I'm just spitballing here, Aberrant Mind Ruidusborn), the gods work primarily through the on-the-ground efforts of clerics and paladins—people who have actively and consistently put in the work to devote themselves to the divine. This is a setting where resurrection magic, which relies on divine power, has been intentionally made more difficult than it is in DnD rules-as-written. Even clerics only get access to Divine Intervention at level 10 (when they've already spent a long time devoting themselves to their deity) and up until level 20 the chances of it actually working are vanishingly small—and level 20 clerics are both hard to come by and ultimately still limited.

In the rare event that the Prime Deities choose to bless someone who isn't a cleric or paladin, it's someone who has a good reason to have gotten their attention. Vax offered his life during a divine ritual in the burial site of the Raven Queen's most devoted champion and then actively committed himself to her cause. Yasha was an aasimar being mind-controlled by a devil who wound up at a divine altar and chose to worship Kord after he freed her. Orym is the devoted widower of someone who is in Melora's realm and was present at a ritual in a temple associated with Melora, and one of his companions prayed at a shrine to Melora on his behalf. Vex was directly in front of Pelor, had taken a leadership position in one of his sacred cities, and had received a vision from him directly—and even then, she had to earn it. Scanlan also had to earn the right to Ioun's favor and complete a trial, and had previously shown qualities and values that she believed were fitting of her champion. Fjord was a companion of a devoted cleric of Melora who had sought her help in keeping Uk'otoa sealed and made requests of her on Fjord's behalf, and Fjord also chose to meditate and then became a paladin devoted to her.

And in Exandria, if you don't want to follow a god, you don't have to. Percy, Keyleth, Grog, Beau, Veth, Caleb, Essek, most of Bell's Hells, the average commoner in the various cities the parties have traveled to—whether they outright dislike the gods as a whole or just don't have an interest either way, they're all capable of thriving with or without them, and indeed their problems are almost entirely caused by mortals. It's especially egregious when you consider that cities like Avalir were around during the Age of Arcanum, when the Prime Deities physically walked Exandria, and people like Laerryn, Patia, Zerxus, and Lacrytia Hollow—openly disdainful of the gods or even trying to create feats of magic to get on their level—were continuing business as usual. The previous god of death not only willingly abdicated in favor of a mortal during this time, but outright helped her do the job!

The Prime Deities can't win. If they didn't give anyone any power at all, they'd be viewed as selfish. If they'd stayed on Exandria after the Calamity, they'd be foolish and reckless. They're simply not capable of intervening and helping everyone, so they're labeled capricious. If they leave Exandria, they're abandoning not only their refuge and home, but also the people who need and rely on them. You can argue that "no one should have that much power" all you want, but I think it's exceptionally silly to take an argument meant to criticize the wealthy and powerful of our world (whose only unique quality is ultimately that they got lucky) and apply it to fictional deities (beings who are powerful by their very nature) who, while flawed, also think they're too powerful. They tried to protect Exandria from themselves and the Betrayers while still using their power to do right by the people there, and for the most part it was working just fine.

The "status quo" from before all this was and still is the best compromise available. No one has managed to sell a better one that doesn't amount to "cater to my blorbos and my self-indulgent idea of revolutionary politics, which may or may not also ultimately circle back to my blorbos". I think that's pretty telling.

[revvethasmythh]

you say you think Veth should divorce, could you expand a bit on that if you don't mind? what do you see as a happy ending for her?

To be fair, "should divorce" is kind of a conditional statement. By which I mean, as it stands now, I more think Veth and Yeza need to have a serious conversation about their relationship and start having some open communication about what they both want, and then take things from there--which could end very happily for them! Or it could, theoretically, end in divorce. So, it really depends on how that hypothetical conversation might go that would determine if I actually think they need to get divorced. Tragically, that is much more nuanced and way less funny than just posting #BrenattosDivorceWatch2k24, so here we are.

As for what I think a happy ending for her would be...it's interesting, because I don't think she has an unhappy ending now. I think she is, largely, happy. I would call her ending an imperfect one, and I don't mean that in a bad way--all of Veth's potential endings were imperfect. That was the nature of her conflict in the later campaign, that no matter what she did she was losing in some aspect or another. If she keeps adventuring, she runs the risk of acting the absentee mother to Luc. If she goes home to her family, she's leaving her friends out in the cold and might not be there to help if they need her. Her story was about making a choice and living with the consequences of that choice, which was very much highlighted by her extra-marital feelings for Caleb.

And I don't mean lust here--Veth lusts a lot, famously for Sunbreaker Olomon, which she justified by saying "50/50 chance my husband's already dead, so" 😂. But I mean feelings for Caleb. And I think you'll find that the vast majority of Veth stans are, if not actively on #BrenattosDivorceWatch2k24, then at least more keyed into the marital issues between Veth and Yeza than your average watcher. Because in C2, Veth had what amounted to a long-term emotional affair with Caleb that pointedly did not resolve, and you largely see the general, non-Veth stan audiences fail to acknowledge or engage with that aspect of their relationship and how that, in turn, effected her relationship with Yeza. In c2e85, Veth first hedges that she "used" to have a crush on Caleb, to which Beau replies, "You know, I kind of got that vibe before, thought there might be that feeling." Then, after c2e97, Sam outright stated Veth was frustrated with Yeza and wasn't sure she was still in love with him at all on Talks. In the early 100s, the Veth playlist dropped and confirmed she had romantic feelings for Caleb. In c2e121, Veth and Caleb have an incredibly emotional one-on-one about guilt, how much they love each other, and how much they'll miss each other when Veth leaves, where Veth tells him, "I will always love you." In c2e126, Veth sees Astrid having a breakdown after talking to Caleb and says, "Well, wouldn't you [have a breakdown] if you wanted to be with this amazing young man, and couldn't be because of circumstances tearing you apart?" and then later that same episode tells Caleb "Nothing is more important than you" (to which my good friend, upon watching with me, immediately said, "Umm???? Veth, don't you have a husband and son???").

Then, in c2e129, Luc dies. And from then on out, Veth is wholly focused on finishing out this mission and finally, permanently returning home to her family. Not that this wasn't her goal before, but it's clear that a choice has been made at this point and she's sticking with it. She's choosing her family, which was really the only choice she could make. And a consequence of this decision is that those extra-marital feelings she harbored are never discussed, never confessed to anyone (and I don't mean to Caleb here, I mean, like, to a friend), and fundamentally never resolved.

I said this before somewhere, but I don't think it was a bad choice to avoid finding resolution to this sort of thing in the campaign. It's a bit of a sensitive, awkward topic to noodle around with in your TTRPG. But I do think that lack of resolution to either Veth's frustration with Yeza's easy acceptance of whatever she does or her extra-marital feelings in general led Veth to a place of wanting. Which was always what her story was about to begin with, so there's an interesting symmetry to starting and ending with her wanting something. It was easy to name what she wanted at the start of the campaign--her body back, her life back--and much more difficult to face the idea that you may not be completely satisfied with having all that returned to you, that there's still other things to want.

Though, I actually think the Wildemount Wildlings helped her strike a great balance between the things that she wanted, adventuring and homesteading, just that it was an impermanent solution. Because she's not going to willingly resolve any issues she has with Yeza (nor Yeza with her) because Veth is a terrible communicator who will never outright tell Yeza if she's feeling this way, and Yeza is too passive to really push her into talking, so they just dance around their issues, pretending not to see them while the issues just fester and get worse. That's why I'm a #BrenattosDivorce Truther. Because i HATE indecision and dawdling and staying in a situation where you're not completely happy when it does a disservice to yourself AND your partner and THIS is why I am always the first person in the group chat to say "BREAK UP WITH HIM."

So, yeah, personally? I'd just want that potential for conflict that exists between Veth and Yeza to come to some sort of head. That's my happy ending, vague as it is. But that's far from the only way she might get resolution. Or she might get no resolution, which is as imperfect an ending as any of her options, and I'm okay with that too.

[meadowsofmay]

i don't think you understand (i'm pretty sure you do but please, allow me) how important it is to me to see caleb getting more and more angry, almost shouting, swearing when talking about trent.

for the person who's emotions usually make him shut down, either from overstimulation or being overwhelmed with trauma; for the person who run away from those who wronged him for a long time; for the person who always allowed the others to make of him and do with him what they wanted quite rarely making his true feelings about certain actions be known.

for this person to go yes, i want him dead. and then he ruined my life. and then, visibly worked up he took my life away. to then yell in genuine anger and i fucking helped.

it means so fucking much to me, so much — caleb confronting his past that affects the position he is in right now and does so audibly, in front of everyone. but the thing is, he now trusts these people, more than he ever trusted anyone ever since he acted upon trent's siccing. he is comfortable with these people enough that after an incredibly emotional meeting with astrid he was loud in his distress.

he was loud enough about the fact that he killed his parents. that he wanted to kill them. that he despises the very fact that he had been stupid enough in his teenage susceptibility that he acted upon his very will and that will never leave him.

because caduceus can talk about destiny and the great destinations of the paths that they all are on. beau could have told him, at the very beginning of their journey together, that he should fix it so that it won't happen to others, and caduceus later on would have repeated the sentiment in a much gentler way.

but fjord tried much gingerly before but finally asked upfront if trent was tied to a chair powerless what would you do?

but veth said i don't care about other people, i care about you and i want to do what you want to do for youself, not for her [astrid] or any other.

caleb caved in and talked about himself.

and the thing is, it's not that caduceus and beau are wrong and fjord with veth were right. it's not about good or bad and this or that.

it's about the fact that caleb is a victim, too. because trent ruined him too. and coming to terms with being a victim is a hard process and he is still on his very way about it but he is better at it.

and that is why it's so important to me.

[munsons-mutiny]

I’ve had this headcanon forever and it’s just never come up anywhere, so I figured it’s time to write about it.

Caleb’s spell that he makes for Veth, Widogast’s Transmorigification, has major implications for Exandria’s trans population! This could be the magical equivalent of top or bottom surgery only it’s down to a biological level! I’m sure they’ve had their own procedures, but a body that you can personally design does seem like an upgrade from whatever technology/magic they have available!

I like to believe that Caleb doesn’t think about the spell in that context at first, why would he? It was designed for someone with a different type of body dysphoria, and he doesn’t interact with too many trans people (at least that he knows, I have no clue if he knows about Yussa, and they haven’t seen Bryce in ages).

But once he starts teaching, and establishes himself as a safe space for queer kids (you can’t tell me the empire is super open minded, especially their most prestigious traditional institution) the application becomes obvious. The first time his favorite student, a small purple tiefling named Aza who reminds him so much of Molly it hurts, comes to him mid-breakdown because of how bad the dysphoria is the solution just immediately pops into his head. He could fix this for her, give her the body she should’ve been born in.

He comforts her the best he can and then calls a meeting of the lgbt club he has set up (it’s run under the radar to make it safe even for students who aren’t out to their peers yet). Where he gives a presentation on the spell, and it’s capabilities, even has Veth come in to show the results and have her talk about her experience and if there had been any side effects.

A couple students in the room cry at the possibility, some remain uninterested, but many are enraptured with the idea.

In what seems like the blink of an eye Caleb has suddenly become an underground queer hero, he starts performing the spell free of cost to anyone who wants it and is above the legal age (you just have to help dig up the clay if you can). Ends up having a whole medical procedure to the spell, where he takes them to the blooming grove (which I imagine has plenty of clays heheh) where it’s peaceful and they can talk everything over with caduceus before and after. Who can guide them through their feelings much better than Caleb though he always tries his best. He always offer the option to go back as well (though they have to wait a year, which is of course stated beforehand) if it isn’t the solution they were hoping for.

(Totally off track but I fully believe Caduceus ends up super involved in Caleb’s queer club, there’s so little aro ace rep and seeing someone whose so confident in it would be so helpful for them, and I think it would be so comforting for Caddy to see others like him and to know he’s not alone in that)

They keep the whole operation quiet, but it spreads silently throughout the queer community, Astrid even stepping in a time or two to keep it off the Assembly’s radar (She may be straight, but she’s poly with a bi partner, and I believe she’ll use her powers for causes she believes in for better or worse. Thankfully this is one of them).

There’s still discrimination against the queer community, but this quiet movement starts to spread to the point that almost every member of the nein is involved. Beau uses her connections at the Soul to get new documentation for people with proper names and pronouns. Yasha starts running Rexxentrum’s first self-sustainable lgbt safehouse for kids with nowhere to go (the garden is incredible). Jester and Fjord turn Fjord’s old orphanage into a second lgbt safehouse after he gets it shut down. Veth adds lgbt education to her camps curriculum, and is an advocate for same sex healthcare in the Nicodranas school system. She has a tunic that says proud mother of a bisexual wizard that she wears a little too often much to Caleb’s chagrin. Even Kingsley (illegal pirate king that he may be, my beloved) ends up becoming as involved as possible in Caleb’s group. Loves learning more about gender identity, and becomes the first Plank King to be openly gender fluid (probably who knows, I don’t know much about Darktows history but I def didn’t get super queer vibes). Makes sure Dark-Tow is accepting of all who turn to piracy, and imposes harsh laws against discrimination.

Essek looks on all of this with pride, so proud of Caleb and even the small role that he got to play in the spells creation. It’s the first time he gets to see something he helped with create good in the world. With Caleb’s permission he ends up sneaking back into the dynasty and leaving a copy of the finished spell on the Bright Queens desk, with a big created by Caleb Widogast across it (with whatever the wizard equivalent of copyright is). In a culture that centers around rebirth in different bodies, the idea that you could choose to have your original body back is a big deal. Dysphoria after consecuted individuals get their magic back is a huge problem within the dynasty, and it does Essek a lot of good to know that he’s done something actually helpful for his country.

Basically this got super long winded and out of hand, and I know Matt has largely cut homophobia, transphobia, and non-fantasy racism from Exandria but this idea would just not leave me alone!! And either way the spells implications for a gender affirming procedure are still super relevant.

[sldlovescartoons]

One of the bigger crimes of the bulk of The Mighty Nein being kind of stupid, and the giant blind spot Caleb’s Intelligence and Wisdom Scores have towards his trauma is that nobody is there to really logic shit out when it pops up. Like when they first go to Nott’s home town, there’s honestly a lot more clear evidence that Yeza was working with the Assembly and got snatched by Kyrn. The village was recently attacked by Kyrn. Even the letter refers to Trent’s research as separate. Also all the torture was specifically a Trent Scourger Special. The assumption that the Assembly snatched and was torturing Yeza came from a real animal fear place. But Caleb is too zonked on trauma juice to shuffle things out and way too ready to place more suffering at his own feet. And none of the others have the kinds of smarts to be like “Okay, but that was that Trent guy, right? This letter talks like their stuff is separate. I don’t see why they would take him unless he’d done something bad- maybe the simple answer is right one here?” Along those lines. But that one is really minor and understandable because there was a lot going on-

The time where this was the biggest crime was after the dinner with Trent. Because that shit Trent said about sending the woman to heal Caleb is so obviously bullshit if you really scrutinize it at all. Like I didn’t need Matt to say in the wrap up it was bullshit because I knees immediately it was bullshit because it doesn’t make any goddamned sense. Broken Scourgers are held in the Sanatorium for a reason. They are really dangerous to Trent and his operation because not only do they risk leaking his methods to the public, but because if one dies in fact get better, or rather get magical cleric healing, they will definitely want to kill Trent in the aftermath. The built in risk with an operation like his is that he’s also training up his future executioners if any of them turn on him. You know, like they were? As it was, Astrid was going to take his ass out in good time and she’s fully drunk the koolaid, you don’t need a pissed prodigy on your heals too. Trent’s stated reason for freeing Caleb is fucking nonsense, it’s stupid, but none of the Nein have the sort of Wisdom and Smarts to be like “that doesn’t make any sense, though? If he wanted to free you to make you reach your potential, why did he wait so long? It makes more sense to do it sooner. Also, if he has ready access to clerics with magic like that, why doesn’t he just use them to fix all broken scourgers right away? It would increase the number of spies in his network, so either there’s a good reason he doesn’t heal them, or he doesn’t have open access to clerics that powerful and he’s bluffing. This doesn’t make a lot of sense.” And so on. Also just their dumbassery (said with all the affection in the world, I love the Nein. To bits.) they never really get how and why Trent is so scary and dangerous. Not fully. And are thus woefully unprepared to help Caleb with his problems like Caleb helps them with theirs. And it’s not their fault, they are angels and they are doing their best, but boy does it do a number of Caleb not having sort of support. The closest is Beau, and I love her, she’s like my third favorite behind Caleb and Jester, but- Yikes. Just Yikes.

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker: Mighty Nein Reunited, Part 1

GUESS WHO'S BACK

BACK AGAIN

SOUP WIZARDS

TELL YOUR FRIENDS

Hello and welcome to the return of the Wizard Breakdown Tracker, a late Campaign 2 feature that I realized just now I should have also done for EXU Calamity, but also good news, it's all, eventually, 10/10, pretty much all the wizards die except for possibly Volucia who noped the fuck out to Cael Morrow, and Maya Agrupnin who was Assigned Wizard By Patia. There. EXU Calamity Wizard Breakdown Tracker.

Every D&D game is better with wizards. As Liam O'Brien once said, "what's sexier than wizards? nothing." Now, to be fair, he also once said rogues were the best class when you and I and Brennan Lee Mulligan all know it's paladins; but we can all agree re: the sexiness of wizards. It is my hope that we have more wizards in the future, but for now, we shall cherish the wizards we once had, and that we briefly have again.

Because we're not touching base in this two-shot with a large number of our erstwhile arcane allies and antagonists, and in the service of a joke at the end of this post, we are including our Wizard PCs this time! Let's begin.

Lady Vess DeRogna: She was not in this episode nor mentioned but she WAS in The Nine Eyes of Lucien and she WAS talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, etc. No spoilers for that here. Just wanted you to know that Lady Vess DeRogna is still dead. But like, probably 7/10.

Ludinus Da'leth: Per Beau, the Assembly's gotten awfully quiet lately, and per Caleb, Astrid's been trying to set him up with a professorship, which Ludinus can't really spike because he did offer the Assembly seat to Caleb first so it's weird to say that he's qualified for propaganda minister and not transmutation professor. The Mighty Nein have made this slippery motherfucker sweat so hard that apparently he started making deals with the Feywild. 6/10.

Trent Ikithon: Hey Trent! Bitch.

As previously stated, 9/10.

Astrid Becke: Trent's in jail and she's apparently doing pretty well and is either happy to help Beau's investigation, or helping Caleb without realizing that Beau really wants this. Probably the latter, but we love to see a complicated morally gray queen flourish, though I suspect she's having Beau-like growing pains into her new and fancy job. 4/10.

Yussa Errenis: You can just sense, from his brief response to Jester, that he absolutely knows that the Mighty Nein saved his ass twice and that he will need to call them if he gets trapped on the moon in 7 years, but also he is sleeping, dammit. Secretly glad they keep in touch; really unamused at having 14 people dripping seawater in his tower, because Tidepeak is really more of a turn of phrase. Also if he knew Veth was starting up a camp he would be very slightly hurt she hadn't asked him to teach anything but also if she asked him he would 100% turn it down. 2/10. Never change, king.

Essek Thelyss: We could get all poetic about the yearning but realistically, he's still at the outpost, getting more and more twitchy but also managing to visit Caleb regularly. Possibly hooking up? But that might just be a reference to the bit and general vibe of the episode. Anyway he's probably feeling kind of bad, but hey! We know he ends up in Uthodurn eventually, and then gets to go back to Aeor only to be part the most simultaneously intense and oblique confession of love of all time. So probably 6/10 but buddy! It gets so much better, and pretty soon no less!

Caleb Widogast: There's good meta to be had about Caleb Widogast, six months later, and you are NOT going to find it here, in a post that's about shaking up wizards in an empty Pringles can. Well, at least not much. As indicated above I think this is likely pre-Aeor excursion with Essek; but Caleb feels like he is tentatively and hopefully building a life. It's slow, and it's a little quiet and small right now, but the fact that he's able to do so on his own is itself an immense victory. He probably gets to have lunch with Beau and dinner with Essek at least once a week each, he has a little cottage and his tower, and he's already becoming a beloved teacher. And he leveled up! 3/10. We love to see it.

Veth Brenatto: Jitters about her camp notwithstanding, she's fucking thriving. They're working on the apothecary but in the meantime she's finding a balance of what she loves to do professionally while still staying with her family, she's keeping in touch with the rest, and she's absolutely on point, astute, and hilarious this whole episode. And she is definitely using Tenser's Floating Disk for sex purposes. 1/10. It's Veth Brenatto's world; we're just living in it.

Allura Vyesoren: Pending, depending on what sword Yasha brings out next episode and whether Caleb turned in the staff. TBD/10.

Bonus!

Warlock Breakdown Tracker

Fjord (Stone?): Oh honey.

It's at least five simultaneous breakdowns and they're recharging with each rest like his spell slots. You know how one of the Uk'otoa temples had a hydra? It's a metaphor, or whatever. 10/10.

[ludinusdaleth]

hey, i'm new to cr fandom and wasn't there when c2 was airing, may i ask out of curiosity what was the fandom's problem with its ending?

i want to start by saying this post is meant as a personal memory and not an incitement of any discourse. i do not want a lot of asks or replies or anything about this if i can help it. i would also politely ask that no one reblog this as i really just. dont want attention about this when ive discussed it to death on twitter. i also apologize for not having screenshots but i truly cannot bring myself to wade through that again. it was bad enough i still have nightmares about it.

basically, about 3 eps before c2's end, matt clarified on twitter the campaign was coming to a close, and that. did not go well. you see, folk (myself included, though i wasnt part of the following clown show) were very sure c2 would continue a while. it felt unfinished as the empire/trent had to be taken down, and for some of us ludinus was clearly the big bad, etc. so this was incredibly jarring to a lot of folk. and with that came anger. a lot of critique came down to fear of things being rushed, a lack of closure, claims of extreme neoliberialism due to not taking down the empire (i could write an essay on and cite multiple leftist activists who have stated c2 is truthful to the activist tale, not neoliberalism, and also how c3 deconstructs beau & caleb's actions, but everyone is allowed to have their own opinion on it), and that if shadowgast did not fuck in this short timespan the fans were going to kill liam & matt. and threats of killing were the least of what ensued. im just gonna put a tw here for discussion of extreme harrassment and even threat of necrophilia/rape:

people were. atrocious. beyond atrocious. know why 4sd/a lot of q&a events of theirs for a while had no fan questions? partially bc fans were frankly terrible at asking non-ship questions on talks machina, but mainly because folk FILLED their inboxes with insults (and a twitter account was made of screenshots bragging about it) that only the crew would get to filter out, not the cast. know why dani was terrified to show her face on 4sd for a bit? c2 fans would not let up on how it was her cishet fault fjorjester happened. people thought the solution to alleged neoliberalism was to therefore @ travis saying they would defile his veteran fathers corpse. if there was any solid discussion critiquing c2 happening, it was so drowned that actors who had nothing to do with the show told cr fans to stay away if that was how they treated their favorite creators wanting a break. it really didnt help that a certain disgraced talks machina host was firing potshots on twitter when the cast seemed to be just trying to take it all in, so more discourse was kicked up from him. in general besides all of that, you had the average death & even a few rape threats you would expect from the pits of fan entitlement. the way they were hardly the most notable of the insults hurled their way still rattles the mind. and thats just what i saw. my friends have claimed to have seen worse, but if we can help it we dont discuss it in detail, it's that bad. like i said, any idea of an actual conversation about c2 and how someone felt about it from an analysis perspective was not even a drop in the bucket; there was no actual discourse but rather spitting hatred pouring over that mistook personal grievances for excuses to mistreat quite literally anyone around them who didnt agree that threatening to defile someone was funny bittersweet revenge.

the thing is, after the c2 finale happened? i mean, a lot of folk didnt originally like it (i think it's generally pretty well liked now, and i enjoy it), but it wrapped up a lot of issues pretty well. all that terror & terrorizing over a fictional story was really for nothing. and even if it had ended undebateably badly did anything warrant that fallout?

there are of course a few other factors that seperate cast from fandom now. laura also got innumerable threats from tlou fans for playing some antagonist character, twitter is a dysfunctional shithole, and it's just rational the more popular you get to not be buddy-buddy with fans. but that was. a Time, for sure. c3 is a decent campaign but im far from the first person to note that many of its traits are set in trying to find vox machina's fixed story beats so no story beat is left "unturned" and being as un-m9-like as possible, even when they love the m9. a lot of the worst m9 fans now who harrass other campaign enjoyers and lament c2 being "an unloved middle child" are folk who never left the bitterness they held in that time. for as much discourse as c3 has kicked up i really dont think any of it compares to the sheer scale of what happened late may 2021, and im hoping with all my heart it never does reach that level ever again (i think c3 has a slightly smaller (at least online) fanbase compared to c2, and isnt marked by a pandemic hiatus, so hopefully that means something).

i hope i answered your question. i really hate remembering this time but sometimes i think it should be remembered so folk know what the cost of extreme parasociality is. the distance the cast has from fans now is not only earned but maybe should have always been there, so things never evolved to that extremity. but now it's done and gone. i envy people who watch cr on their own merits and didn't get sucked into twitter at the time; it has been fascinating watching folk say they love the travelercon/aeor arcs and the ending. rewatching later c2 really emphasizes how many complaints hinged on extremely online & parasocial headspaces - you definitely wont hear anyone nowadays say liam is a biphobic cishet abusing matt by not making caleb kiss essek yet. i hope new fans have a better time than we did. oh - and get off twitter.

[foolofatook001]

She’s not stupid, okay. She knows that no one trusts the Traveler—Artagan, whatever— no matter how much they all say We’re with you, Jester. She’s seen them in their little worried huddles off to the side, Beau and Fjord and Caduceus, and she knows when they’ve been talking about her and the Traveler because they all have That Expression on their face. That pursed-lips Mmmm I don’t like this but I am keeping my mouth shut right now expression. That Mmmm my god is a real god and a lot better than Jester’s fake god expression. (And of course the Traveler is still basically a real, almost-god, even if he doesn’t want to be as much of a god anymore! Jester just knows that that’s kind of what they’re thinking when they have That Look on their faces.) 

And they’re her friends, and Jester loves them, and she knows they love her and they want her to be safe. 

But. But. The Traveler was Jester’s first friend, and her best friend, and for a long time her only friend, so it hurts that the rest of Jester’s friends don’t… see that.

And Fjord’s one to talk, too— wasn’t he doing stupid things for Uk’otoa (Uk’otoa) not too long ago? But he follows the Wildmother, so obviously he knows everything now!

All right, Jester knows that’s a little mean. She remembers him promising her Mama that he would protect her. He just wants to keep her safe, and he’s said as much; he’s been burned by his own experiences and he doesn’t want her to get hurt the same way. 

(And she has been hurt. Is hurt. There are a few things that she’s never going to draw out in her sketchbook, the kind of things that she just wants to cry out while curled up in her Mama’s lap like she’s little again. The kind of things that she can’t even tell the Traveler, because right now he needs her help, so he needs her to be strong and he needs her to be happy.)

But even so, she KNOWS the Traveler, knows him better than Fjord ever knew his stupid snea snake, even if she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did. He may be tricksy, but she still trusts him, because he’s promised time and again that she is his first, his favorite, and he will not leave her, not forever. And none of her friends seem to believe her when she tells them this!

“I’d like to be there to help you walk the path you’re on, and…keep things from getting out of hand,” says Caduceus’s slow, deep voice.

“Sure, Jester,” says Beau, “but you know you’re the one who does all the amazing stuff, right? Not him.” 

“Arch means evil, doesn’t it?” Nott’s worried, reedy voice says. “It’s only used in bad things!”

The silence from everybody but Caleb after the Traveler says, “As long as you have her around, you’ll have me around,” speaks volumes and volumes. A whole Cobalt Soul library. 

And that hurts just as much. 

If Artagan told her, right this second, that he was going to go off to travel through the planes and he wanted her to come with him… 

She isn’t sure she would tell him no.

[bardly-working]

👀 ? B)

Here's a snippet of my What If Beau And Caleb Got Too Many Somnovem Eyes fic

They try everything they can think of to block the dreams. Beau helps Caleb meditate.  Caleb teaches Beau about lucid dreaming.  They ask for a Hero’s Feast at night.  They ask Caduceus to bolster their resistance before they sleep.  Caleb keeps studying that new spell he’s been on about ever since he saw Trent again, and Veth has been saving her energy to cast Intellect Fortress on them both as often as she can.  They try every method they can think of to fortify their will. But every night since they escaped the Tomb Takers, it’s been the same: Caleb and Beau go to sleep, they fall into the dream, and the eyes are waiting. After a while, the two of them stop being so quiet about their anxiety, not bothering to go off into a corner away from the group to discuss it.  They speak more boldly, more bluntly, about the dreams.  About the odd sensation of being watched.  Being changed. By the time they recognize that they have been given… abilities, Caleb already has seven eyes and Beau has six — the benefit, she says, of having spent some time panicking in the Happy Fun Ball instead of sleeping in the Elemental Plane of Fire. First it’s the dark vision that clues them in.  Beau realizes that she forgot to put on her goggles, but that she can still see everyone perfectly fine.  Then Caleb mentions that bit about Sprinkle whispering to Jester and everyone gets rather distracted for a few minutes (and understandably so). Soon enough they realize they can send messages telepathically, without any material components (or prior ability to cast spells at all, in Beau's case). Jester tries to turn this into a game, testing out the range of their telepathy, pass-it-on and having them think ridiculous things to each other. Then two of them become far more perceptive than usual, able to hear — no, somehow able to sense the presence of other living beings from a good distance away.  This saves them from more than a few monsters, though none of the Nein look particularly happy about it. “Y’know it’s actually worse with the lucid dreaming,” starts Beau.  “For me, at least.” “Ja, I see how it could be,” Caleb responds with a nod.  “You know, I, ah…” Caleb keeps nodding, his face twitching with emotion, his hands occasionally moving in small gestures.  Beau nods back after a moment, and then looks at him, puzzled, concerned.  Then her face turns sympathetic.  Caleb looks uncomfortable, that way he always does when people sympathize with him.  He doesn’t meet her eyes.  Doesn’t want her sympathy. Jester’s voice breaks through the silence: “Wait, are you guys talking in your heads?” Caleb makes a face, looks at Jester, then at Beau, who also looks skeptical, before both of their faces fall as they look at each other’s mouths. “Fuck,” says Beau.  Out loud. “Ditto, kiddo,” whispers Caleb, before clearing his throat. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes, we were communicating telepathically,’ then?”  Veth somehow maintains that flat expression that manages to be both playful and sardonic at once, and it makes Caleb smile a little. “Yes, Veth.” “Okay, but, like, you guys know that was kinda rude, yeah?  We want to be included, I want to know your lucid dreaming stuff—” “I don’t think they were doing it on purpose, Jester,” says Caduceus from where he’s still wrapping the wound on Yasha’s arm. "Oh?" Yasha looks ponderous for a moment before her face falls. "Oh. That... that's bad, probably." "Probably?" Beau lets out a breathy, desperate attempt at a laugh. "Ja. Probably," Caleb whispers to himself.

send me a 👀 and I’ll post a snippet from a WIP that I never got around to finishing this year.

[captainkingsley]

Visiting Caduceus is a nice break for Kingsley.

He enjoys the time he spends with the rest of the Nein, of course he does. But there are always slip-ups. Someone calls him Molly by accident or references something from before he can remember, and it always hurts. Like a sliver he can't quite get out, a sharp sting of pain he can't describe.

Caduceus doesn't see that. He doesn't even see Lucien, actually, which is another comfort. He's got more of Lucien's memories by now, slowly creeping in despite his best efforts to push them away. Not because he doesn't want them, but more so that they don't influence who he is, so they don't completely overwhelm him at once. Like Yasha and Beau both said, he needs to continue on a better path, not the one Lucien took a running leap off the cliff of.

The memories aren't bad, for the most part. They're helpful, when they come in small bursts. A quick thought of danger and how to avoid it, or memory of how to use a skill he'd previously not understood.

Molly's memories are less helpful. They hurt more. Like an unfinished story still begging to be told, filled with love and ache that won't find solace. Brushes of hands or a closeness he's not familiar with, or playful jabs when he's more than tipsy. Molly's memories make him uncomfortable, because the Nein look at him and see them, too, and he always wants to grab them and say he's not me, he's not me, stop trying to put those memories onto me.

But he doesn't. He's an asshole, but he's not going to ruin the memory of a dear friend to the Nein in that way. Instead, he rolls with the punches, jokes around with them, and keeps it all inside.

Except with Caduceus.

Caduceus, who'd come around after Molly, had never met him, and had only seen Lucien without any of the biases or ties the rest of the group had. He'd welcomed Kingsley back into the Grove with no issue, no comment on his past, just a simple gesture and a mug of tea.

He likes Caduceus. Likes his family, too — they're more family than he's ever had, himself. He distantly recalls Lucien's family, but the memories of that feel sour. What little he can gauge of Lucien's parents isn't good, and his siblings, well —

He'd woken up one night after remembering Aldreda saying there's no room for you in my life anymore, and the memory had felt haunting and painful.

And he doesn't like to recall Elric. Sometimes he wonders how Lucien ever slept with those hollow, blackened eyes staring at him.

"You've got that look again." Caduceus says, looking down at Kingsley who's currently sitting in the longer grass of the yard, near the pond. Caduceus has finished his portion of re-casting the temple blessing for the day — how he has the focus to do it for so long every day, Kingsley will never understand.

"What look?" Kingsley asks, innocent as can be. He even bats his eyes to throw Caduceus off. Caduceus, however, has learned to read him, even his lies, and he's not swayed.

"You're remembering things." Caduceus says. "Which one this time?"

Kingsley grumbles to himself for a moment, settling back into the grass.

"Lucien."

"Good or bad?"

"Weird, mainly."

"Care to talk?"

"Already am." Kingsley huffs. But he gives in after just a moment. "Only if you make some of that tea we had last time."

"I can't guarantee it'll be the same," Caduceus says, reaching down to help Kingsley stand once more, "But it'll be close enough. And something to heal the hurt."

"Booze?" Kingsley says. Caduceus laughs.

"No booze. Just tea and a bit of talk."

"At least feed me if you're not going to give me alcohol," Kingsley says, following as Caduceus heads for the repaired home — the last several months, Caleb's old friends have been coming by to work on the home and the surrounding yard. They've done a good job, though the work will only be completed once Caduceus has finished his year-long spell.

"I'm sure we've got something." Caduceus assures him, and they head inside together.

[thought-42]

WIP amnesty is a thing right?

Good morning tumblr would you like to see an excerpt from a modern au that I’m never going to finish so that I can officially remove it from my WIP list?

Of course you would.

Do not let the bit above the cut fool you, this is primarily Caleb having a very bad dissociative time

"Woah, woah, what the fuck are you doing," Beau says. Essek's eyebrow arches.

"Poisoning your drink so I can live one day in peace," he says, mildly.

"The fuck you are," Beau says. "Why the fuck are you putting cinnamon in your perfectly good wine?"

"Firstly, don't lie to yourself, we haven't seen perfectly good wine in literal years. Secondly, it was Jester's idea."

"Why are you taking Jester's drink suggestions, she's not even old enough to drink."

Jester frowns over at Beau. "I could drink if I wanted to, I just like my dignity intact."

Fjord chokes on his hot chocolate.

Essek snaps the lid on the cinnamon shut. "To be fair, you really couldn't. You are an actual infant." He says it with affection, but Jester still looks annoyed.

"Don't listen to him," she tells Caleb, squeezing his forearm with both hands. "He's just defensive because I showed him the meaning of friendship and also the meaning of being blatantly manipulated by older men from a foreign government when you're a teenager."

"You were so nice when I met you," Fjord says sadly.

"I'm 117," Essek says primly.

"And you look great for your age, buddy," Beau says, and Bren yanks his arm away from Jester because he really should have predicted that the casual banter was going to go this direction, he really should have been preparing the defective mess of misfiring neurons and screaming in his skull to cancel the lurch of jarring dissociative horror that is a hilariously disproportionate reaction to an entirely unremarkable comment.

He watches a stranger's reflection in the window.

Essek says, "Time is one of my specialties."

Frumpkin rests heavy on his shoulders.

The reflection in the glass fades.

Bren stretches out his hands and-- oh, that is the floor. The chair disappeared from his immediate vicinity, and object permanence is shaky at best.

A cork pops, somewhere behind him, and he only lights a tiny flame. Bren had always said healing potions tasted better than wine. Astrid said his tastes hadn't matured yet.

"Caleb," says Essek, and means the stranger in the window.

Bren had tried to grow a beard one winter until Wulf had pinned him down while Astrid shaved it off of him, all of them laughing because to be held down for a blade had many different connotations in those years. All of them good. He has not looked at his arms yet. He presses and presses on the skin but he does not bleed. He pushes and pushes but the magic comes sirup slow and lethargic.

Scar tissue can take up to a year to form fully, according to the glossy smooth tablet at the public library. A year isn't that long but his arms don't hurt. He rubs a hand across his a forearm but he doesn't feel anything. Caleb's forearm, Bren's hand.

He has not looked at his arms yet.

"Caleb," someone else says, and means 'eleven years'.

"Time is one of my specialties."

He presses his hands against the floor and breathes in, holds it, breathes out, because Caleb is someone who has memorized a list of grounding techniques for moments of dissociation or anxiety. In for four, hold for seven, out for three. The pattern is helpful.

Bren watches Caleb in the window until he can feel the swirls in the linoleum under his fingers and he can track the conversations happening around him through logical progressions for more than ten seconds. He has lost time. An hour and seventeen minutes, which is a fucking spike in the graph that he does not want to think too closely about. An hour and seventeen minutes can get you killed. An hour and seventeen minutes is long enough that at least one person of the additional four in this fucking flat must have tried to engage with him, and no one is shaking him or calling an ambulance and yelling in his face, so his autopilot must be getting better.

That's helpful.

Bren wants to tear his brain out through his eyeballs.

Essek sits down on the floor beside him. Sits down is a generous descriptor-- It's more of a controlled fall, sudden and graceless and lacking the fluidity of drunkenness. Given Caleb just stared at the wall for an hour and seventeen minutes, he supposes he is in no place to judge others' blatant weaknesses.

"Do you want to learn a spell?" Essek says.

"Always," says Caleb, and then "You mentioned Chronogy," which is approximately seven thousand percent more transparent than he ever wants to be in his entire life.

Essek laughs brightly. "Perhaps something a little simpler for your first, hmm?"

Bren wants to shove him down and hurt him or kiss him until he stops laughing. Bren has never had to struggle to learn anything and a Crik traitor is not going to be the first to challenge that. Caleb chuckles, self-effacing, and says "I am maybe a little over-eager, I admit, but it is not often I get the chance to learn from someone as skilled as yourself."

"I suspect you have your own skills," says Essek. "You cast like you've had formal instruction and you look for exits in a room the way my brother does after a bad campaign."

"Please stop," says Caleb, because he does not want to know that Essek has a brother who is important enough to him for his emotional wellbeing to be of note. More immediately, he does not want to know what he's unwittingly given away to Essek.

"My apologies," says Essek. "I will not pry. But please know that I have seen shame in those who choose to remove themselves from a battlefield by any means necessary. Warfare is a barbaric practice, mostly unsuited to mages of skill such as ourselves."

Bren bows his head and glances up at Essek through his eyelashes before looking away. Let him think Caleb a deserter warmage. Let him think Caleb a beggar, a veteran drowning his traumas in alcohol. Let him think Caleb anything but what he really is, which is a disappointment, a murderer, a proven flight risk, a naive child not nearly as smart as he thought he was. Sometimes he thinks about how he would kill Trent if he gets the chance, but it's never satisfying. Trent knows Bren can kill. He'd probably be fucking proud, just for that last archetypal mindfuck. Bren does not need to prove he can kill Trent-- Bren needs to prove he is smarter than Trent. He's either going to do that by publicly exposing his widely varied and horrific crimes to the entire world, along with the rotting apple that is the Cerberus Assembly, or he's going to invent time travel. Both would, obviously, be the ideal outcome, but Bren knows how to be realistic (see: pragmatism, newly developed skillset).

[autumnslance]

This is a very silly ask (and feel free to ignore it completely), but do you think any of your OCs would be friends with characters from other franchises? (Fun fact, this was inspired by a piece of fanart that made me believe that Thancred and Leon Kennedy of Resident Evil fame would absolutely be friends. Or at least drinking buddies.)

Hrm, I don't often think in terms of crossovers and mashups anymore--which is funny, as one of my earliest online RP experiences was a multiverse setting where OCs from any and all settings--franchise, gaming, original, etc--could co-exist. Normal mortals teaming up with demigods from novel series and mega-damage users from RIFTS and an array of fantasy and sci-fi and horror characters in between.

I sometimes think about how my OCs in various settings would interact together; how my WoW OCs would get along, or not, with the FF14 crew, or the FF14 OCs with my D&D characters. I tend to lean into certain archetypes (bards and paladins/clerics/priests are favorites), so there'd be some overlap and things in common, and also some frustrations at similarities that grate and clash.

So I don't think too much about how they'd interact with canon figures from other settings, but any OCs I'd have in that realm instead.

Well, the adventuring parties of Actual Play shows like Critical Role (and its animated series spinoffs) is pretty easy; Vox Machina, the Mighty Nein, and Bells Hells are all as chaotic and as helpful as adventurers tend to be, for good or bad. So there'd be eye rolling and irritation, but also understanding and diving in alongside, forming friendships with the weirdos cuz well, adventurers are Like That. They're RP characters too though so might be cheating, or at least easier to figure out for me.

Vax has that sort of noble rogue energy that'd make Aeryn fond of him, while Vex would initially drive her up a wall until they reached an understanding. Scanlan's annoy the heck out of her until they got to sit down and talk for real and she saw under the vulgar exterior. Percy'd be tolerated as Insufferable Noble Trying Too Hard. She'd be patient with Grog and enjoy his overlarge childish glee at everything. And who doesn't love Pike? Literal angel with a chaotic bent herself, she adds a bit of calm when not engaging in sibling shenanigans with Grog. I think Aeryn'd relate most to Keyleth, funnily, and they'd get along decently. Tary, too, would get a lot of sympathy concerning expectations, and also nerding around with his crafts, and may make dealing with Percy a tad easier.

Of the Nein, Caduceus is a spot of calm, aroace energy. Not as right as he thinks he is about many things, but he means well and tries, and that counts for a lot. Aeryn'd have tea with him any day. She'd also be drawn to Beau's bravado and brashness and they'd get into trouble together. Same with Fjord and Caleb, really; there's a level of familiarity in how they approach things with 'let's poke it and see what happens' but also the care they have for others in general. Same with Yasha. Jester's a bright light ball of energy and oh gods her and C'oretta in the same space would be exhausting. Nott/Veth is a bit more complicated; probably depends on when in the campaign, is it before or after Veth's reunited with her family, as she undergoes a shift emotionally once she has her original self back as well as her husband and son. Molly would aggravate and charm Aeryn by turns; Kingsley she'd be sympathetic to and understand too well that living in another's shadow aspect. Essek is fine; he's a wizard to talk shop with, learn from, mess around with spellwork. Luc is a brat also in the shadow of his accomplished mom and adventuring family, and needs mentoring and guidance and a lot of patience oh gosh.

A lot of the Hells would honestly be irritating, especially Imogen's propensity to just use telepathy intrusively; girl needs a lesson in why you don't want to poke around uninvited or casually to get your answers, and a WoL's head is wilder than most. FCG needs mentoring and guidance like whoa. Fearne's also an agent of energetic chaos; fun in doses. Laudna's not so scary, very sweet and fun and sad and likely needs help she doesn't know how to ask for. Ashton's grating in his arrogance and rebelliousness for rebellion's sake (though that may shift given recent things...). Chetney's surface attitude would be annoying, but soon enough he'd be a safe and calming point, given his perceptions. Orym's also just calming and reasonable; maybe a little too much sometimes, and needs to be reminded to cut loose now and then, it's good for you (and your friends).

Dark rolls with it all; she's very easy to get along with. Iyna wouldn't be able to stand most of them. C'oretta would get along well with most everyone but lord her and Jester and/or Fearne in the same place...Terrifying!

That's one off the top of my head, after a long holiday weekend thinking about it off and on, anyway!

[mareastrorum]

WIP Wednesday: The Fool and the Soldier, Ch. 7 (Forward)

The Fool and the Soldier is now up on AO3, updated every other Friday. This is an off-week, so here is a snippet from next week’s chapter! Commentary on Chapter 6 will go up on Friday.

Fanfic Summary: Mollymauk Tealeaf survived the Mighty Nein's encounter with the Iron Shepherds on Glory Run Road, but a short time later, a spirit began hunting him, claiming that he stole his body. This Campaign 2 AU begins with Episode 26 and continues on from there.

It was an unfairly gorgeous day. The sun shone as though nothing had gone wrong the night prior, with only a few puffy clouds swiftly traveling in from the south.

The Nein had escaped with their lives and a ship, but none of that had gone according to plan. They had only intended to question Marius LePual about what he knew of Avantika and the ball she had hired the Jagentoths to find. They would up killed nearly the entire crew—which turned out to be pirates, so it wasn’t like it was bad—and taking their ship. She had almost killed another crewman, Gallen Westman, but she managed to bring him back, and he was going to help repair the ship and stay on the crew. He wasn’t even mad or anything.

But other than her, Caleb, Molly, and Nott, the rest seemed sullen over how it had gone. Fjord and Beau talked each other up a little, and Yasha was fine one Molly sat with her for a while.

Caduceus had sat with his knees to his chest as he spoke. “I… had a mission, a holy purpose, a thing that defined me, and I thought that I was honoring it, and now—what if I was wrong? This is not what I thought it was going to be.”

“What was your mission?” Jester had asked.

“My home is dying and… I thought this was what I was supposed to do. I waited for a sign and I thought you were the sign, and now maybe there wasn’t any sign. Maybe I just left, and I’m on a ship in an ocean that doesn’t want me here. It’s been so quiet, and— what if I made a mistake?”

“Well,” Jester replied before a pause. “A lot of times I think that maybe the Traveler has left me and I think maybe things are going poorly and he doesn't like me anymore, but sometimes he'll just show up after a while and tell me that I was on the right path all along, and he just made it fun for me to find it again.”

“And one day will be the last time; what then?”

“You’re not afraid of death, are you?”

Caduceus had shaken his head. “No. Although dying was— I’ve been hurt before and I’ve�� almost drowning was a lot.” He seemed to be looking far away when he said that, as if it was something other than what had happened that day, then he laughed nervously. “That was a lot, and the ocean is a lot, and this is a lot.”

Jester patted his back. “Breathe.” The firbolg took a deep breath in and out. “The world is a lot bigger than your cemetery. There are a lot of things for you to see, and you have to break out of your comfort zone in order to find the path that you are looking for.”

“I think I needed to hear that,” Caduceus said as he nodded. “Thanks.”

Caduceus was always so confident and calm until then that Jester had not thought to worry about him. He was a healer, he looked out for the Nein. But he needed someone to look out for him, too. Jester and Molly had cheered him up by cooking with him and showing him the spice pouch Yasha got, so the firbolg seemed calmer by the time he slept. They’d try to do more stuff like that for him to help as they went.

In the meantime, the Nein had made plans to travel out to the Inky Claw Reef in search of Avantika’s ship, the Squalleater. To tie off some loose ends, Jester and Nott had swiftly made their way into the Opal Archways toward the Lavish Chateau. The rest had stayed on their new ship, The Mistake, or gone to the harbor to recruit a crew and spread rumors to cover up what had happened.

Jester was dressed in a disguise courtesy of Molly and Beau: a brunette wig over her hair and horns, makeup to give her a lighter complexion, arm length gloves, and Beau’s light blue coat. Nott had used her new hat of disguise to take the form of a cute halfling: a plump, dark-skinned young woman in simple gray clothes with a round, pleasing face and pretty brown eyes. She walked through town as if they had only just arrived, with confidence Jester had not seen before. It was enough that none of the zhelezo bothered either of them.

While they had a brief reunion, and Jester had nearly decided not to leave, seeing her mother and Bluud one more time was worth it. She assured them that whatever rumors they heard about a blue tiefling dying were made up. They were working on a case! And hit a major lead! And going out to sea! Marion would take care of Nugget and the peacock, since they would not do well on a ship, and even keep the cart for them until they returned.

“Be safe, my little šašek,” Marion said as she smiled and kissed Jester on the forehead. She also put a small pouch in Jester’s hands. “And a token for you, too.”

“Thank you, Mama!” Jester said as she hugged her one more time. “I love you. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll have a lot of stories.”

Marion patted her before pulling back, “I love you, too, Jester. Go! And I will see you soon.”

Jester almost clung to her again, but she nodded and walked out with Nott, tossing one more look back. Marion smiled knowingly and waved once before going to her vanity. Jester took a breath before walking down to bid Bluud and the others farewell, and she was shortly outside once more with Nott.

“You really missed home, didn’t you, Jester?” Nott suddenly asked.

“What? Of course! It was my first time out of the city,” Jester explained as they began walking. “There’s so much I didn’t get to show you! Oh, you know, maybe we’ll be back for the New Dawn parties for the new year. It’s so much fun. There’s stuff all along the beaches from dawn to sunset, and there’s food and fireworks and…” She continued going on about the parties, remembering the times she would sneak out with the Traveler to explore and play some pranks at the snootier galas. The Ruby was usually invited to all of them, but she attended only one in the mornings and then had to recover back at the Chateau. It was so hard for her to leave; she was scared of the outside, only leaving once or twice a year.

“Jester, ah—” Nott trailed off.

“You can’t eat Sprinkle, Nott,” Jester pre-empted, petting the weasel in her hood. He squeaked at her and nuzzled.

Nott balked. “No! I mean, it would be delicious, I’m sure, but that’s not what I was going to suggest.” Jester pouted. “Do— do you want to stay here with your mother?”

Jester shook her head. “I can’t, it’s too dangerous.”

“You could take this hat,” Nott replied, fighting a frown as she patted her hair. “It’s magic, so you could pretend to be one of your mother’s servants or something. You missed, her didn’t you? It’s not right to separate a mother and her child like this.”

Jester felt a pang in her chest, and she looked over her shoulder at the Chateau, still visible over the rooftops a few blocks away. Visiting the Ruby had whipped up so much nostalgia for home, and it hurt to see how lonely her Mama had been. It would be a lie to say she didn’t want to stay.

Yet, when Jester met Nott’s gaze, her face was equally distraught. It was obvious how much it meant to her that she didn’t look like a goblin. She had spoken many times of how much she disliked goblins, but she’d never mentioned that she also wanted to be something else that badly. And what about the Nein? Caduceus had nearly drowned when they fought Algar, and without her, no one would have been able to revive him. Caleb nearly died in that confrontation, too. Without her spells, would the Nein have escaped the zhelezo the night before? No, they needed her.

An image of the Ruby came back to her, a memory of months earlier when her mother hand her a pouch of gold before she fled from Lord Sharpe.

“See the world. As much of it as you can. Find people to love, and people who love you, and send it all back to me.”

There was so much more out there.

“Thank you, Nott, but I can’t,” Jester answered. “I missed my Mama, I did. But you all need me, and I want to go. And Mama wanted me to, too, so I could bring it back to her in stories.” She looked out at the bay, the sun sparkling brilliantly on the water like a jewel. “I’m not done yet. Mama has Nugget to keep her company, and I can send her messages, and we’ll come visit. It’ll be okay.”

Nott inspected her for a moment, then grinned brightly. “Alright. Then we’ll keep an eye out for souvenirs for her! Oh, maybe post cards, or…”

Once more, Jester felt a pull to get one final glimpse of the Chateau. Just one more time. But she resisted it and kept walking forward, keeping a smile on her face as she chatted with Nott about what to bring back to her Mama.

Jester would miss something if she kept looking back.

[100hearteyes]

I loved this last episode of CR, but also have a couple of gripes with it and the overall arc. I can't overstate how epic the episode was and how much I love a BIG LOT of what's been done so far in C3, but I also need to rant about two or three things that have been bothering me lol

(ignore if you don't wanna read mild criticism)

First, Ludinus's plan with Vax relied on too many variables and probably's. Orym or no Orym, he assumed Keyleth would intervene in-person for sure at the end, therefore luring Vax out, which... Yeah, very very likely, but should you really hinge a huge master plan a thousand years in the making on 'very likely'? I wouldn't fuck with that many odds tbh.

Secondly, and this is an issue I've had with this campaign at large since the Ruidus plot really kicked off, I think the fact that Bells Hells were always clearly in over their heads in this was a bit of a turn off for me, or at least took me out of it a bit, because the whole thing felt too big, too soon for the campaign. Like, how do you follow this up? How do you justify another nearly two thirds or over a half of campaign? Because yeah, if C1 and C2 are anything to go by, we haven't even hit the halfway mark for Bells Hells. How do you keep the stakes high enough for people to care when you've had this monumental arc so soon when the characters aren't even level 10 and are so clearly out of their depth? This feels like endgame, but we aren't even halfway through. Mind you, I love this arc (despite the incessant lore dumps, some of which quite boring tbh) and thought 51 was epic. Legit cried when Vax showed up and then got my heart broken. Also wanted a lot more Beau and Caleb, though, and those rolls by Liam and Marisha taking them out so soon felt really unsatisfying tbh, even if they helped flesh out just how strong these villains are. I think that's part of the problem - Lvl20 Keyleth and Vax plus Lvl~18 (?) Caleb and Beau were no match for them, how could the Hells even make a difference besides delay the inevitable? So yeah, I think that's my main gripe: the disproportionate threat level, which also made it glaringly obvious from the beginning that there was no winning there - not completely. Not to mention that it somewhat strips players of their agency imo. Of course there were some bad rolls and bad decisions. The Imogen/Liliana persuasion check, Ashley - who is my favorite player and must be protected at all costs, mind you - was pretty much useless (it seems she thought they had more time, otherwise definitely wouldn't have skipped turn after turn after turn, especially considering Fearne had the potential to do great damage to the bad guys' plan - BIG roleplaying moment from Ashley by not going for the beacon, though. That was SO tempting, but she managed to stay true and not metagame), the Beau and Caleb rolls (Beau's above all, since she had advantage), Orym failing to destroy the backpack when he was THAT CLOSE, Marisha forgetting to check the scry ball sooner early on, their bad rolls which delayed the destruction of the power cores in the chambers (could have got to more of them had they done it faster), FCG breaking Ryn (a mix of bad roll and bad decision), Chetney spending all that time on a vain climb, etc. Like, again, yes, a lot of things could have gone differently, but I really think that the final outcome, whatever the iteration, was pretty much out of the players' hands.

Thirdly, and I promise this is the last one, although I loved loved loved loved loved to see Beau and Caleb and Keyleth and Vax, I think the waters may be starting to murky a bit regarding the utilization of former PCs. Marisha hasn't rolled once for Keyleth (as far as we know) but rolled for Beau, even though Matt plays both. So Iike, what's the rule here? Why do Marisha and Liam's rolls only decide some characters' fates? Is it fair to hinge Beau and Caleb's success on the players' roles even though you're the one playing them now? Like, you could see the added tension to Liam and especially Marisha, knowing they each had not one but TWO characters' lives on their hands and couldn't even make decisions for one of them. I don't know that the added pressure is very fair to the players. And, again, why do it for Beau and Caleb and not every other character they've played that shows up? And is it fair to do it for one set of characters and not the other? We go back to the main question: what is the rule?

Anyway I guess I just needed to verbalize my thoughts about the few things I didn't like 😆

That said, I CAN'T WAIT to see what happens next and I really hope Fearne still gets to meet Beau eventually. My girl Ashley deserves it.